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Going through a divorce can be a tumultuous time for any adult, and for children it can feel like their world is falling apart. It can be confusing for children to have two homes, particularly in the early stages of divorce. But there are ways to bring positivity and excitement to this change, while reducing […]
Going through a divorce can be a tumultuous time for any adult, and for children it can feel like their world is falling apart. It can be confusing for children to have two homes, particularly in the early stages of divorce. But there are ways to bring positivity and excitement to this change, while reducing your child’s stress significantly.
Provide Stability
Help your child adjust to the changes in your family by providing as much stability as possible. Having established routines and continuity between their two homes will help your son or daughter feel safe and secure. You don’t need to have a strict schedule, just routines that your child can expect when they wake up, before they go to bed and when they come home. For example, there’s always a bath or a story before bedtime, and a healthy snack when they get home. Resist the temptation to overcompensate by lavishing your child with gifts, or letting them get away with things they normally would not. Structure in your home will help your children feel calm and stable.
Ease The Transition
Help ease the transition for your children by having a neutral pickup and drop off spot, such as your child’s school. You can drop your son or daughter off at school in the morning, and your ex can pick them at the end of the school day. This also eliminates stress for the child and sad goodbyes. Children are very perceptive and will be keenly aware of any sadness, anger, or frustration you may be feeling if you drop them off at your ex’s new place.
Give Kids Choices
Allowing your child to have a say will help them feel empowered, lessening any feelings they may have about things being out of their control. Have them pick out a new bedspread or pillows to decorate their space, or ask them to decide on a special dinner over the weekend. You can make them their favorite meal, try something new, or they can choose a restaurant they’d like to go to.
Reduce Stress on Arrivals
You can help your child adjust to the changes between two homes by making their arrival from your ex’s house as positive and structured as possible. Come up with a special but simple routine for when they come home. Something pleasant and comforting, such as sharing a snack or playing a game. Resist the temptation to bombard them with questions; let them unwind and process the change in their own time.
Your child has two parents living in two separate homes, but they only have one childhood. By remaining a positive force in your child’s life and maintaining stability, you can help them transition into their new normal.
Are you struggling with divorce, and need the support and guidance of a licensed professional? I can help. Please give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.
Parents do their best to shield their children from the harsh realities of the world. But as much of an effort as they put in, parents can’t always protect their children from experiencing the pain of loss. Whether it’s the loss of a beloved pet, a childhood friend, or the loss of a family member, […]
Parents do their best to shield their children from the harsh realities of the world. But as much of an effort as they put in, parents can’t always protect their children from experiencing the pain of loss. Whether it’s the loss of a beloved pet, a childhood friend, or the loss of a family member, young children are often unequipped to deal with the feelings of grief and sadness.
Here are some ways you can help your child cope with loss:
Children have very big imaginations. They can often imagine a scenario that is far scarier than the current reality. While you may think speaking openly to children about a pet or loved one’s illness and impending death will cause anxiety, very often not speaking with them will cause them even more. Just be sure to share facts and information that is age-appropriate. For instance, a 12-year-old may understand the concept of hospice care while a 5-year-old may not. With younger children, share the simple essentials of death and dying.
It can be difficult finding just the right words to explain death and dying to a young child. At these times, children’s books about illness, dying and bereavement can be a tremendous help and can guide you in having developmentally appropriate conversations with young people.
Loss can cause people of all ages to completely shut down emotionally. Emotional numbness is a form of denial. While it’s okay for a child to take some space after the initial loss, you will need to help them feel their feelings about it. Unexpressed emotions can cause mental and physical issues in the future.
Like adults, kids may go through a gamut of emotions from anger to sadness, guilt to shame. It’s natural and okay for your child to feel any emotion they may have. Let them know this and support them at every step of their grieving process.
Your child may benefit from speaking with a professional therapist who can offer tools and coping strategies. You’ll want to look for someone who’s not only qualified but who both you and your child will feel comfortable working with.
If you’re interested in exploring treatment options, please be in touch with me. I’d be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help.